How most celebrities would react to us mere mortals

I was just watching a little bit of the CBS sitcom "How I Met Your Mother". As some of you know, it's about "Ted" as a thirtysomething in the present day interacting with his friends, and the show is narrated by "Ted" of the future, telling his teen kids, well, look at the title again. Anyway, the dude playing "Ted" may be billed as the star of the show, but it's Neil Patrick Harris as "Barney" who is the *real* star! And I know why Neil took this job, and I'll let you all in on it.

Back in the early '90's, Neil was but a mere young'un and he starred in a mild and mediocre family-oriented sitcom called "Doogie Howser, MD". After the show ended, he then played a role in the pretty good sci-fi/horror movie "Starship Troopers". He played a powerful psychic who could not only read minds, he could transfer his thoughts to others far away. I thought that was cool. Anyway, after that, he was on a very short-lived and very terrible show called "Stark Raving Mad". It was yet another one of NBC's futile attempts to have the viewing public contribute ratings, as they billed it, along with many other shows, as "Must-See TV." The problem with this is that I choose never to watch it, as poor Neil was stuck in the role as an assistant to a borderline-insane horror novelist (played by Tony Shaloub, who previously was Antonio on "Wings", and he would later go on to play the lead role in the comedy drama "Monk"). Anyway, if that wasn't bad enough for Neil, he was given the role and told to play it straight. Can you believe that? NBC had an excellent comedic talent at their disposal and he was thoroughly wasted playing the straight man on another dumb NBC sitcom of the late '90's!

And you know what else? There were promo ads leading up to the debut of the show, which featured Harris and Shaloub around a campfire talking about the show and how great it would be, and Shaloub kept mocking Harris by saying "Doogie" every few seconds. That was cold! And as a result, Harris became extremely sensitive to the word "Doogie". Apparently he was hoping that this new show would make people forget about the character he played when he was a child (much like Jaleel White and "Urkel", referenced in the kid comedy "Big Fat Liar" where Jaleel plays himself and expresses disgust at being called "Urkel".)

So now, Harris is on a hit show, he is playing a character people like (women want him and men want to be him, that sort of thing) and he came out as homosexual some time ago to boot. And doing so did not hurt his career in the slightest! Now that's a cool dude.

Now, I was thinking, what would happen if you were to encounter a celebrity either at a convention, or maybe just in public somewhere, and let's say you're lucky enough to be able to get their attention and actually have them talk to you. Now, let's say that you just want to have a little fun, and you say to them, in the form of "(however many) words! (whatever show, movie, or album they did that bombed, or whatever character they played that everyone hated). Do you see what I'm doing here? For example, say you actually meet Neil Patrick Harris, and you say to him "Three words, NPH! STARK RAVING MAD!"

I think I would really love to do that to a famous person someday, because EVERY actor or singer or whatever they're famous for has made embarrassing mistakes that they would really just rather forget about (and hope that everyone else has forgotten about it too!). So to Neil Patrick Harris, I would remind him of that incredibly shitty NBC sitcom he did over ten years ago, and see how he would react. I think it would be fun!

However, there is also the possibility that the famous person just wouldn't care about you mentioning their past failures. Some of them just might not care at all! I'm reminded of what comedian Andrew Dice Clay once said to someone in his audience. It was from an album he did back in 1989, and Clay was talking about sitcom star Rosanne. Then some guy asked Clay if he had heard about her new show, and Clay asked the guy to "tell him the joke". When I listened to what the guy said next, I unfortunately could not understand what he said. But Clay laughed, and then he told the guy this: "She lives in a house in Bel Air and you drive a broken Pinto. She gives a fuck what you say, really. She SHITS on you, believe me!"

Now I don't know about you, but that really puts it into perspective for me!

Also, there's the EXTREME reaction to an embarrassing past that a celebrity could make to a unsuspecting fan. For one thing, if you get on their nerves enough, depending on just who it is, they could attack you. And then you'd try to sue them or take them to court, which would be completely futile because everyone knows that juries (and lots of judges) love famous people and would almost never convict a celebrity. They would just be slapped on the wrist, just a little bit, and you might still be injured. Sometimes it said that the poor can never afford justice. And in some cases it's true!

And then there's the scenario where the celebrity has their hired muscle do their dirty work for them. If a fan were to say something that a rich and powerful famous person doesn't like, they would just snap their fingers and say "Security! Get this asshole out of here." And they'd grab you and roughly take you out back, and throw you into an alley into a big pile of garbage. At least that's how I've seen it done in the movies!

In conclusion, it just depends on the personality of the celebrity as to how you would deal with them. Mention a past failure to them just for fun, and some of them wouldn't care. Others would have their no-necked goomba goons throw you out, and still others would attack you themselves.

Out of all the celebrities I'd like to meet, I've thought of things to say to two of them. One is Kevin Smith, the director. He did a movie with Linda Fiorentino, and he reportedly hated working with her so much that he refuses to work with her again. He also refuses to talk about what happened. So what I would say to him is: "Why do you hate Linda Fiorentino? What did she do that was so bad?" and then see how he responds. But for her to have done something SO BAD that KEVIN SMITH refuses to talk about it, holy shit, it must have been *really* bad, because anyone who knows and is a fan of Smith knows that he is  NEVER at a loss for words, and ALWAYS has something to say, as long as people have paid to listen to him talk! Much like the late George Carlin, Kevin Smith absolutely LOVES to ramble on and on about himself and how successful his career has been, you know, once he actually had some money so he could write, direct, and star in something that actually looked like it cost more than $20,000 dollars to make, and didn't have the same five people play all the roles in it! And don't get me started in the incredibly pretentious Kevin Smith Movie Dialogue! I mean, who talks like that? Nobody in the real world, that's for sure! And if I were to create a character called "Silent Bob", well, I'd do just that, I'd have him NEVER TALK! You know, like Teller! He's pulled off that schtick for the last 20 years or so, and it's worked pretty well. Or, as one last suggestion, have him be like Morn on Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, an alien who LITERALLY NEVER SAYS A SINGLE WORD! The "joke" is that, off-camera, he doesn't ever shut up! Now, that's some good sci-fi character development!

Another famous person I want to meet is George Lucas. You all know him as the creator of the Star Wars Saga, the six movies. But in 1978, after the first movie was a big hit,  a "Holiday Special" starring the Star Wars characters, plus guest stars Harvey Korman, Art Carney, and Bea Arthur, was aired on TV. And it was an appalling abomination, to say the very least! And it will NEVER be released on DVD. There are only a few bootleg copies left. Apparently Lucas is so embarrassed by the special's failure, he refuses to talk about it, but he did once say that if he could track down every copy and smash them with a hammer, he would. That's pretty bad for a legendary director and producer, to feel that way about something he created, don't you think?

I mean, this from the man who produced the release of the 1986 mega-bomb "Howard The Duck"? Well, that's one questionable thing, but it gets worse! Apparently Lucas gave the creation of Jar-Jar Binks, the ultimate racial stereotype that annoyed and offended millions back in 1999 when he debuted in the Star Wars Universe, the green light! It was one (of many) things that made me never want to see "The Phantom Menace" and just read about what happened in it. (I wasn't really interested in seeing Anakin "Darth Vader" Skywalker as a little kid, anyway.)

Well, I have actually seen Howard, and it was pretty bad, but at least it made me laugh at times. But for Lucas to say that the existence of JAR-JAR FUCKING BINKS is OK by him?! Holy shit, that's pretty messed up if you ask me!